Humor V1 of Pirates of the Caribbean
by Xapirateslife4meX
Summary: Not exactly like Pirates of Caribbean...somewhat like it. Only funnier!
1. Default Chapter

-We see young Liz on the ship singing -  
  
Liz- Don't count of me….to let you know wh-….what? Cameras are rolling? Oh crap! Yo ho yo ho drink up me hearties….  
  
Gibbs- -grabs her and starts shaking her- You shouldn't be singing about pirates! Tis bad luck! - shakes her more -  
  
Norrington- Leave my very young lady love alone you beast!  
  
Gibbs- She's freakin' young enough to be your freakin' grandchild you child molester!  
  
Norrington- Don't call me that - falls to floor in feeble position while sucking thumb -  
  
G. Swann- That will be enough both of you!  
  
Liz- I think it'd be rather exciting to meet a pirate  
  
G. Swann- WELL GUESS AGAIN FREAK! IT WOULDN'T BE!  
  
Liz- SHUT UP YOU IDIOT WITH A FRUITY LAST NAME!  
  
-G. Swann, Gibbs, and Norrington leave -  
  
Liz- -starts doing the chicken dance then looks out to the sea- Look it's a bloody boy who will turn out to be hott in the water!   
  
Random man- MAN OVER…erm what's the line? -gets out script- ahh yes OVERBAORD! MAN OVERBOARD!  
  
-Men bring him onto ship -  
  
G Swann- Elizabeth stay by his side and don't flirt with him…..  
  
Liz- -rolls eyes- Your ruining the fun! -sits by Will- Nice kitty….good kitty….  
  
-Will grasps her- I'm not a bloody cat you fool! I'm a human  
  
Liz- Well hello boy-who-will-turn-out-to-be-hott-and-I'll-end-up-kissing-you-someday! What's this? -grabs the Aztec gold-   
  
Will- Hey that's mine! -grabs ahold of it-  
  
Liz- Nooo! It's miiiiine! Let gooooo!   
  
-They both fight until Liz knocks him unconsious with a hammer that appeared out of nowhere-  
  
Liz- JEEZ! I don't even know your bloody name.  
  
-She then see's a name tag that reads: Lo! I'm a pirate and my name is Will Turner!-  
  
Liz- -studies the pendant then the note. She goes back and forth. Liz snaps her fingers- YOU'RE A GHOST!!!! -random person whispers something in her ear- I MEAN PIRATE!   
  
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-Liz wakes up- What the heck was that about? Are my dreams trying to tell me something? Is it….God? God…are you there? Ahh yes I'm supposed to -reads palm- get up and look in the drawer for pendent….Hmmm….-look on the chair, then a table- Where the bloody heck is it!? Ahh yes in this contraption! -gets the pendent out of the drawer-  
  
G. Swann- -knocks on door-  
  
-Liz shoves the pendent in her mouth- COME IN -she muffles-  
  
G. Swann- I got you a dress….to bribe you to marry Norrington.  
  
Liz- Oooh I shall accept!   
  
-Maids put the corset on her-  
  
Liz- MY GOSH! Women in London must have learned not to breathe!  
  
Maid- No ma'am your just fat  
  
Liz- Ahh yes that does explain a lot….  
  
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-Hotter looking Will comes in-  
  
Will- I shall make all my girl fans melt by breaking the candle and placing it with the umbrellas! -does so-  
  
-Girl fans melt-  
  
G. Swann- -comes in-  
  
Will- here's your bloody sword let me show off in front of you -does little trick with the sword-  
  
G. Swann- oooh yippee! Tricks! -claps hands-  
  
Liz- -walks down the stairs gracefully then falls down-  
  
Will- I shall now put my worried face to yet again make my girl fans melt -does so-  
  
-Girl fans melt again-  
  
Liz- I had another dream about you Will! You looked hideous! You sure have changed!  
  
Will- I thank you Ms. Swann and I should say you too were hideous then!  
  
G. Swann- I bet I looked hott didn't I Liz?  
  
Liz- No you looked gay…..  
  
G. Swann- -grumbles- Time to go Elizabeth….  
  
Liz- LATER DAYZ HOMIE! -she says to Will-  
  
Will- I shall pause and make my girl fans see my hotness -does so-  
  
-Girl fans sigh-  
  
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I'm not done but that's it so far. You like? Rate please! 


	2. Meet SparrowCaptain Jack Sparrow

Prt. 2   
  
Thanks to all who reviewed it! I loved the reviews I decided to write to 2nd part as soon as possible!  
  
-soldiers start marching and bump into each other-  
  
Random soldier- brilliant…..  
  
Norrington- Elizabeth may I have a word with you?  
  
Liz- That's 8 words your over your limit -sarcastically-  
  
Norrington- Just shut your mouth I'm about to ask you to marry me but SHH! Don't tell Elizabeth  
  
Liz- -whispers- ok!  
  
Norrington- Elizabeth, I've known you since you were a girl…  
  
Liz- Am I fat?  
  
Norrington- of course you are! Why do you think they make those things to make you look skinny?  
  
Liz- -sighs- if I'm fat there's no point in living…  
  
Norrington- ok let me help you with that -pushes her off the ledge-  
  
Liz- curse you old man!!! -she yells-  
  
--meanwhile-  
  
-Sparrows on the ship-  
  
Soldier #1- get away from there!  
  
Sparrow- I'm sorry it's such a lovely plane…I mean ship  
  
Soldier #2- Oh no dear Elizabeth has fallen into the water!  
  
Sparrow- which one you is going to save her?  
  
Solider #1- I can't swim!  
  
Solider #2- you're crazy I had this uniform pressed just this morning!  
  
-They both push Sparrow into water-  
  
Sparrow- you'll pay for my dry-cleaning!  
  
--Sparrow swims towards Liz grabbing her-  
  
Sparrow- -thinking- This girl is bloody fat!  
  
G. Swann- My dear Elizabeth  
  
Sparrow- shut up and let me do my saving act!   
  
Liz- -wakes up- AHHH there's a hideous THING in front of me  
  
Sparrow- I beg your pardon? I'm very hot!  
  
-yadda yadda yadda they chase Sparrow and try to kill him when he goes into the blacksmiths shop this time Will is there-  
  
Will- Hello pirate-who-is-not-as-hot-as-me -smirks- I challenge you to a duel -takes out a loaf of breads- oopsie wrong item -grabs the sword-  
  
Sparrow- are you sure you want to fight me? I'm very hott…I mean talented at using swords!  
  
-they drop the swords and have a slapping fight-  
  
Will- OWWW! You slapped my arm!  
  
Sparrow- So! You pinched me!  
  
-both fall to the ground wincing in pain. Soldiers run in-  
  
Soldier #1- Hmmm the orders say we take the ugly one to the prison…..  
  
Soldier #2- -grabs Sparrow- Here he is!  
  
Soldier #1- -wipes forehead- PHEW! That was hard!  
  
That's it for now I'm sleepy! Please rate! Bye! I'll update as soon as I can! PS I didn't mean the part about Jack and Will being ugly o0;; 


	3. Time to set sail!

-blah blah blah the people are having their little war going on-  
  
Will- *running around in circles screaming like a little girl* There are  
  
pirates chasing me! *stops* I know what to do! My hottness shall cause a fire!  
  
Maybe even burn the pirates to their death! *stands there for a minute*  
  
*the pirates stop and stare and start drooling. Then they all get on fire  
  
and die*  
  
Will- two points for the hottness! *does a jig*  
  
-----------------  
  
Liz- Well yes I have the pendant but seeing how stupid you are I shall lie  
  
about my name. My real name is Elizabeth Swann but I'll just tell you that  
  
my name is Elizabeth Turner.  
  
Barbossa- I see.....well Ms. Turner hand it over and we'll leave your rotten  
  
little town alone  
  
Liz- wellllllll.....*thinks*  
  
Barbossa- I'll give you a life if you do so.  
  
Liz- YIPPEE! My first REAL life! *hands him the pendant*  
  
Barbossa- ok well no it's impossible to give a fool like you a life so welcome  
  
aboard the Pink Pearl. hehe I love the colour pink! *points to pink deck  
  
and sails*  
  
Liz- you are such a fag *rolls eyes*  
  
-----------------  
  
Will- Oh no! They have taken Elizabeth...no time to make my girl fans swoon   
  
over my hottness. Sorry girls! *he runs off to see Norrington and G. Swann*  
  
They have taken Elizabeth!  
  
G. Swann- nah der!  
  
Norrington- Mr. Turner you are not apart of the army or the navy. You are  
  
a blacksmith. Now leave and go get Sparrow out of his cell. Then I know you two  
  
will steal the Dauntless but trick us and steal the Interceptor!  
  
Will- welllll ok! *runs off skipping*  
  
-----------------  
  
Sparrow- *talking to the dog* so then I told me woman "No! I will not give you  
  
MY rum! It's mine!"   
  
*dog rolls on floor laughing*  
  
Sparrow- Stupid eh?  
  
Will- *skips in* skip to the lou my darling!  
  
Sparrow- yes I already now what you are going to say. You want to save Ms.  
  
I'm fat. You don't want to become a pirate. Your name is Will Turner and you'll  
  
spring me from this cell. Wait, how do you open it without the keys?  
  
Will- well I helped make this....so they are really crappy. One swift kick  
  
and it'll break off.  
  
*kicks the door*  
  
Sparrow- woah! They really are crappy! You are a crappy blacksmith!  
  
Will- yeah but my hottness isn't crappy!  
  
-----------------  
  
*They run off and steal the Interceptor*  
  
Sparrow- la la la singing in a ship  
  
Will- I'm going to tell you meaningless things about my life. Yeah my mom  
  
died and then I came searching for my father. Seeing as how dumb I am I  
  
landed in Port Royal. Go figure *shrugs*  
  
Sparrow- We called your father Bootstrap because he was stupid and we   
  
thought of a stupid name for him  
  
Will- *ponders* makes sense.......  
  
Sparrow- we're going to Tortuga!  
  
Will- Tortuga?  
  
Sparrow- Tortuga.  
  
Will- It's not ringing a bell.....  
  
-----------------  
  
*They arrive in Tortuga*  
  
Sparrow- isn't this place great!? Lots of prostitutes!   
  
Will- Are there.....hot prostitutes? When I say hot I mean almost-as-hot-as-  
  
me-but-not-exactly-as-hot-as-me.  
  
Sparrow- no...no one is hotter than you Will  
  
Will- why thank you!  
  
*those two girls kiss him*  
  
Sparrow- wow I'm not really sure if I deserved that!!!  
  
Will- lucky bastard....  
  
-----------------  
  
that's it for now! 


	4. How is Mr Squirrel doing?

*Sparrow throws a bucket of water on Gibbs*  
  
Gibbs- EEEEK! Curse you for being so cute Jack Sparrow! You woke up my   
  
wife and child *points to hogs*  
  
Sparrow- Sorry Gibbs, Mrs. Gibbs, young Gibbs *bows to them*  
  
Will- this is your family? *falls on the floor laughing* I see the  
  
resemblence!  
  
Gibbs- curse you hot-one!  
  
--------------------------  
  
Sparrow- blah blah blah that kid is Will Turner blah blah blah steal the   
  
Pink Pearl I blah blah blah blah!  
  
Gibbs- blah blah blah? blah blah blah blah! BLAH BLAH!  
  
Will- what a strange ancient language they speak! Sounds very hard and  
  
untranslatable!  
  
Sparrow- *hands waiter an Mastercard* blah blah blah blah blah blah blah dollars  
  
blah blah blah with blah blah blah blah dollars  
  
Gibbs- *snickers* I love the commercial especially when they say BLAH   
  
and then they say BLAH!  
  
Sparrow- well Gibbs find me a crew please  
  
Gibbs- not in the mood Sparrow  
  
Sparrow- please....with a big fat cherry on top? *puppy dog eyes*  
  
Gibbs- I cannot resist the puppy dog eyes! NOOOO!   
  
--------------------------  
  
Next morning  
  
--------------------------  
  
*Will and Sparrow are meeting their new crew*  
  
Sparrow- *starts talking to the parrot* You like rum? I like RUM! Oh my   
  
good golly gosh!  
  
Annamaria- YOU STOLE MY DRESS!  
  
Sparrow- With every intention to bring it back!  
  
Annamaria- BUT YOU DIDN'T! I saw you wear it at that wedding!  
  
--------------------------  
  
Back to Liz  
  
--------------------------  
  
Liz- *sings* la la la la on the pink pearl...with a bunch of fags....la la la la  
  
eating pie and lint la la la la  
  
Pirate 1- You'll be dining with the captain tonight and he requests you   
  
wear this *hands her an ugly dress with holes*  
  
Liz- well you tell him that I dis...dis...dis..digorno to apple his request  
  
*feels stupid*((She means those big words she uses but they mean no))  
  
Pirate 2- He said you'd say that. He also said that if that be the case then you  
  
be dining with the crew...and you'll be wearing this *shows her plaid  
  
capris with a yellow tanktop*   
  
Liz- NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
--------------------------  
  
Liz- *eats the food like a hog*  
  
Barbossa- So it's true....you are fat....you do eat a lot  
  
Liz- *stops eating for a second* Why yes, I do believe that is true then  
  
*continues eating*  
  
Barbossa- try the Fanta orange soda...and the toe lint...try that next  
  
Liz- It's fungus! Not toe lint!  
  
Barbossa- there is no point in killing you by making you eat fungus now.   
  
I know how stupid you are. And because of that, we're going to use your   
  
blood.  
  
Liz- that is quite interesting. Maybe while you cut me you can take  
  
some of my fat out?  
  
Barbossa- Oh yes of course!  
  
Liz- *tries to stab Barbossa with a roll* die die die!  
  
Barbossa- not the brightest crayon in the box now are we?  
  
Liz- *sees the freaky pirates and runs around screaming slipping on   
  
the wet deck and goes unconscious*  
  
--------------------------  
  
-Sparrow and his crew are going through a fierce sandstorm-  
  
Gibbs- wait...why is there a sandstorm in the middle of the ocean?  
  
Will- we may never know.....  
  
Sparrow- *spits out sand* taste like chicken!  
  
Random crew member- awesome! *stuffs face with sand*  
  
Gibbs- why are you in such a good mood captain?  
  
Sparrow- because....I found my gold tooth on the floor...oh yeah and  
  
the fact that we're catching up  
  
--------------------------  
  
-cuts Liz open to get the blood, Will smacks Sparrow with a squirrel-  
  
Barbossa- the bloody girls blood didn't work! CURSE YOU! *throws Liz on   
  
the floor*  
  
Will- oh no! Liz's hands are tied together! I must get them untied. -gets  
  
out a stick- if it works for Harry Potter it might work for me...here  
  
goes nothing! ALOHOMARA! ALOHOMARA! Darnet! *gets out saw and tries to  
  
cut it*  
  
Barbossa- *stares at Will* son...just pull the string....  
  
Will- ahhh for you made it too tricky!  
  
-Will and Liz run-  
  
Sparrow- WHEEEE! Barbossa I got off your bloody island you know why?   
  
Because I am Jennifer Lopez....I mean CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow!  
  
--------------------------  
  
Gibbs- where's Jack?  
  
Will- he fell behind...  
  
Gibbs- oh well......we'll miss the hott lad won't we crew?  
  
*Crew altogether*AYE!  
  
Liz- Will, I stole the pendent from you when you were a lad. Remember?  
  
The hammer? I hit you with it.  
  
Will- No...I don't remember...is that why I have brain damage?!  
  
Liz- erm...well no you fell off a 2-feet high building  
  
Will- oh dear....  
  
Liz- yes well they didn't need my blood obviously. They needed the blood  
  
of a hott-man  
  
Will- *stands up* ME! The blood of a Turner!  
  
-------------------------- 


End file.
